Monday, April 18, 2011

30 Days of Pictures: Day 18

Day 18: A picture of your biggest insecurity

This is really hard for me. Not necessarily because I fear being open and vulnerable in a public forum, but rather because I try to be open and vulnerable that it's tough to really find something that makes me uncomfortable.

That said, my biggest insecurity is one that I have been working on for a while. I have this deep-seeded need to make everyone around me happy and get everyone to like me. I know I shouldn't care if people like me or not. It shouldn't matter to me what others think, but let's be honest, it does matter. I'm weak, I know, but it matters to me. I just want people to like me. I don't want to be an outcast or the butt of jokes. It bothers me when people I know unfollow me on Twitter. It shouldn't. I shouldn't care, but I do. I wonder what I did wrong. Who did I offend? What can I do to make things right? Then I realize that it's not likely my issue at all. I shouldn't try to change who I am or censor myself (more than I already do) or put myself out just for the approval of others.

I have a set of people whose opinion of me matters. I know that aside from those people, I shouldn't concern myself. I mean, I'm not the kind of guy who goes out on social channels with a boorish, self-aggrandizing stream of crap being spewed (don't lie, you all know those people) and is pandering to people, sucking up just to get a follow or a retweet and sends passive-aggressive tweets if they don't get their way. I don't live and die by retweets or comments or replies or inclusion on lists or pats on the back and sulk if I don't get them. Instead I just internalize things, wondering what went wrong, when in reality, nothing went wrong. Sometimes you can't make everyone like you. So there's your mantra for the day.
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